We’re starting to talk about you in therapy. I told my therapist you’re all I think about. You don’t even realize how you’re the center of my universe. I think around you. You were my gravity. You kept me balanced. That night when we lied on the ground, tangled within each other and the moon directly above us, was the first time I ever truly felt close to someone. I pointed out the different constellations in the night sky, and it was the first time it felt like someone was actually listening to me. Our friends were around us but we were alone, and when you kissed me it felt like those constellations came down and wrapped themselves around us. I felt celestial, quiet and filled with a love that was indescribable. That moment felt like a dream. It still feels like a dream, and now I can’t look at Orion without seeing your face. I can’t trace my fingers along his belt without feeling your fingers trace along my neck. I can’t breathe the night’s air without inhaling reality and exhaling another memory of you, because I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t want you to leave me. I don’t want this reality. I want you. I want you, lying next to me on the ground with the night sky above us. I want to breathe you in again. I don’t want to breathe you out. I want that fucking life back, but I hurt you and I left you and I’m so, so sorry. One day, the stars will align again and that path will lead me to you, and maybe you’ll take me back and maybe you won’t. I only need to tell you that I’m sorry.
setting my alarm to blast knives out and kill me so i don’t have to deal with days like this ever again